Day 26 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Dreams

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Lesson 26: If you have already started...

Today's lesson has me thinking about how the Universe set me onto my path, if it has already go me onto the path of pursuing my dreams and to make a list of the people who have helped create my dreams.

If my dream is to become a writer, the one person who has encouraged me to achieve this goal, is my best mate Brett. He has always told me to write every day, even if it's not much but just to get something down. Now I haven't been doing this, until now with these 365 day challenges and blog posts. I used to write poems every day in some notebooks but after what seemed like a succession of unfortunate events, I lost my spark. Even though me keeping this online journal is not writing in the sense of a book, I feel like its good practise to continue into something bigger as I'm made to write every day about the lesson at hand. Every now and then I will post a poem on my blog. Not forced poems but whatever comes at the time. 

Another person who has encouraged me to write is my mate Nasiha. I remember some time ago, I told her I have nothing to write about. And she was like "nooooo, your journey is worth documenting". So that's why I also took on these 365 day challenges because I feel like they are part of my journey and it forces me to write every day. I didn't think my journey was worth documenting. Heck, I don't think many people read my blog but I figure if someone out there might resonate and want to know how to I'm going on my spiritual path and my year to clear, whether that be a stranger or friend, then it's worth it right?

I feel like my spiritual path has been part need and part dream. The universe encouraged me on this path and let me remember the person I wanted to be. My mate Joanna continues to encourage me in this path. That me growing into the person I am meant to be is going to be a continuous knowlege ride but it's who I truly am. I guess it's nice to know someone out there supports you in your witchcraft and light work without judgement. I know it's just an extension of me and I'm looking forward to whom i become. I know I want to help people in this path. So, I feel like it's all good things that are going to happen, if I work hard for it.

Day 20 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - True tantra is possible...

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Lesson 20: True tantra is possible...

“Lesson 20: True tantra is about connection, not sexuality or romance.True tantra is possible whether a relationship is long or short, sanctioned or unsanctioned, proper or improper. The karmic crossing is what determines tantra; not society. ”

— Sara Wiseman

I am to think about my true tantra connections and what change or transformation that has brought about. Spending time last night with my soul sister Joanna, we were talking about how we changed each other’s lives. It’s always a case of maybe not expressing it enough or showing it, but you never know how much you can inspire someone, from simple words or actions you take. Joanna always inspires me with words along the way which actually helps me take on better perspective and understanding. I remember this one time I was angry at my mother for something she had said, and Jo responded with something along the lines of “well you’ve got to remember your mum is human too, has feelings just like you and makes mistakes”. Something I didn’t really consider because we’re so quick to judge our parents and resent them for stupid shit. Those words really resonated with me and changed the way I maintained my relationship with my mum. A lot more understanding was gained and I didn’t hold my mother in the light of how she should act as a parent. My mum is her own person with her own morals, values and feelings and even though I may not agree with them, I have to remember that she is like any other person in this world, where we still need to hold respect and remember they have the right to think and feel however they want.

I think all my friendships are true tantra. If true tantra is what has transformed me, then I have to reference all the people who have changed me from my previous blog post on Day 10: Karmic crossings are always strong... Along the way those people have opened my eyes to something more. Most of those people live in Melbourne and made impact after I had moved here during my life changing event. Although I am not friends with some of those people, every one of them came into my life to teach me important life lessons. The only person I hadn’t listed on there is my ex boyfriend. I did have a tantra connection that taught me a lot of the person I didn’t want to be under someone’s control, and through the good times and the bad, I did value our time together and learned a lot about myself in the process. Without that major romance in my life, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I needed that adversity to grow.

I couldn’t imagine not having tantric connections. I think everyone has value of teaching you something even if they aren’t to remain in your life forever. I guess that’s the beauty of connection, sometimes they are there forever once created, sometimes they are just there to serve a purpose before you move forward.

Day 19 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Romantic Love

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Lesson 19: Romantic love is one of the greatest delights...

“Lesson 19: Romantic love is one of the greatest delights of this lifetime. Those who experience the tantra of Divine union with another know God in this act; each becomes God at a level of transcendence, and the union also becomes God.”

— Sara Wiseman

First off, I do not believe in God so I can only put this lesson in the context of what I believe, that being the Universe, the Universe being Divine, the Universe encompassing us all. I have had one major romantic love in my life, in which, I cannot say that I have experienced the tantra of the Divine. I hope that you aren’t reading this, thinking tantric sex as this Divine union, although that act can be a part of it. I understand tantra to be the ultimate enlightenment involving collective consciousness, spiritual transcendence, inner peace, soul vibration as well as all that intersects and binds us together. It’s a level of spirituality that seeks from within, to expand one’s self through the connection to the Divine, to the point that you too, can become the Divine. Everyone has their own interpretation and definition so really, I think if you get the gist of what tantra is trying to teach, it evolves your definition.

I cannot say that I experienced anything close to the Divine in this romantic union that I’ve had. I am still learning on my spiritual path, so for me, I feel like I will reach that level of transcendence when I fully achieve tantra. I can see how any sort of romantic relationship/union can transcend physical and emotional connection, though I feel like I haven’t reached this stage. The only relationship that I feel may transcend time and space is that I have with my mother. I have not had the pleasure of reaching any sort of level with another individual person, who would be my partner, to transcend in this way. I hadn’t even really thought about it in this way until this exercise. Quite interesting and makes you think more about you as an individual, what you want out of life, but also the type of connection you want to have with the person you want to spend the rest of your days with. 

Day 18 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Forgiveness is a Cultural Idea

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Lesson 18: Forgiveness is a cultural idea...

“Lesson 18: Forgiveness is a cultural idea, and it is not of use to you. This may be confusing, to some of you. But consider: there is only energy, and energy is either light or dark, hot or cold, gathering or releasing, or in point of change—in process of moving between these two states.”

— Sara Wiseman

OK, WTF. When I read this lesson, I honestly was confused by it. I did the exercise and that was to make a list of all the people you should have forgiven by now, take that list and rip it up, go about your day and see what happens. My day was like any other normal day. I didn't think about those people at all, I'm not sure that it really released any stuck energy - literally my day was the same.

So the only way I know how to try and tackle this lesson is to break it down. Forgiveness is a cultural idea - yes, I can see that's a construct we hold by morals and values and when those are broken by another, we may hold a grudge, a dislike, a bad memory of that person so we tend to let them vacate our lives. Forgiveness is of no use to me? Well, I don't think I've ever forgiven anyone to the magnitude of the people on my list. If it has no use to me, does that mean it shouldn't impact me? Does the mere act itself not really do anything? To me, I feel like to give forgiveness is to let go of a feeling you had stuck with a certain person. When they have wronged you and you finally get over it, or grow beyond that wrongdoing, it's a release of stuck energy. I can't be the only one who feels this?

So, we already know I believe in energy, light and dark etc etc. But in the space of forgiveness, is this lesson to teach, there are always good and bad energy roaming on this Earth, including the relationships we hold dear, so technically is forgiveness just another action flow of good and bad energy cycling around? We don't really need to do anything with it, if we let it go to the universe and let it unfold on it's own? I'm really stuck on this one but feel like I'll gain more insight as I grow along this course.

Day 17 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Regrets

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Lesson 17: You may have regrets in your life...

Today’s lesson is to focus on past regrets and that this is all part of our soul growth. I truly believe that there may be bad decisions we’ve made but there is always a lesson to be gained from that experience. Sure, it might not make sense at the time, but later on when you can truly reflect, that’s when you can really develop and grow as an individual. You can start seeing from an observer’s perspective and take another stance on your actions.

In the exercise, I am to think of a past regret, holding that in my mind and considering if it’s still a regret. Am I able to love the person I was at the time and do I love the person I am now since that occurrence?

My immediate thought went to me in my twenties. I was with my ex-boyfriend and would succumb to everything he said. He really controlled me but I didn’t realise it at the time. I had dreams of travelling the world because that’s what I wanted to experience in life – other cultures, seeing how others lived, having adventures. My ex however had no interest in travelling, in fact he didn’t really like socialising, and if he did, it would only be with people he liked, and he didn’t like doing much but play computer games, staying indoors watching TV and movies. What I did allow him to do was manipulate me so that my dreams didn’t seem achievable at all – not just in travelling but with everything. A real dream crusher. What I regret is not standing up for myself and really having confidence to do what I wanted. I was so eager to please him, it was sickening. I regret not even engaging in my dreams and became a puppet. It’s something I now recognise, learned from and won’t let happen again.

Am I able to love that person I was at the time? I don’t think I loved myself at all to be honest. I don’t even know who I was back then. Do I love the person I have become since? Yes, I do. I have learned to really accept myself over the years of being single. Really focusing on myself has been the greatest thing I could ever do for myself. I think if I had jumped into another relationship, I wouldn’t have been able to have learned what I have now. I still continue to love the person I’m developing into. Every day I am learning and surprising myself at the person I am. I can only see myself elevating to new heights from here and it’s exciting.