Day 60 - A Year to Spiritual Awakening - In The Heart of Pain

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Lesson 60: In the heart of pain...

Today’s lesson is about the first passage of the heart – pain. We all experience pain in one form or another. When we are awake to our own pain and that of others, this is said to be the first step to “opening, awakening and becoming a conscious being”. The question is posed, would you rather remain stuck in pain that currently resides in your reality or would you rather face it? It’s really a choice that is up to us. We have the power of choice.

I must admit, as a teenager and a young woman in her twenties, I really remained stuck in my pain. I thought there was hope in the love of the partner that I had, but I really just pushed the pain down and never dealt with it. There was so much pain that started from a young age, expanded as a teenager and then really was ignored in my twenties. I also found a lot of the pain in my twenties was also amplified during and after that relationship. It wasn’t a good time. I had mental and emotional abuse of a father and then a relationship where my partner moulded me into someone I wasn’t, in which I lost myself along the way. In this relationship, I never had any confidence either, which I believe a relationship should do. Then from there, I’ve had some unfortunate events that just compounded a jaded view of some bad luck following me.

I think for me, I tried to live more positively but how long could I put a face on without really dealing with my issues? I realise now that I’m in my thirties, that all that pain doesn’t do much for you if you just wallow in it. Really holding onto those emotions has a flow on effect into your life, which doesn’t do you any good. It’s why I’m doing this course and my clearing course, because I find once I release everything, and I really do mean EVERYTHING, there will be so much of a weight lifted.

Day 60 - A Year to Clear - Feeling Check

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Lesson 60: Feeling Check

Today we are to check our energy level and all the current sensations we may be feeling – cold, sweaty, breathing heavily, hot? I am to notice if by paying attention if anything changes by this simple act. In addition to this, I am to notice if my energy level changed when I have no attachment to the outcome.

When I tried this exercise, I was just so tired at work. My mind was so cloudy, I couldn’t concentrate on anything for a few minutes. I was very much depleted and felt like I needed another hour of sleep. I was cold because the office was blasting aircon. Didn’t notice any bodily sensations. Honestly, I didn’t feel anything by simply paying attention. I was still cloudy and fogged up in the brain even when I had no attachment. Maybe it wasn’t the best day to try this exercise.

I mean, even as I sit here at home, my energy is picked up a little bit from earlier today, but that was more from seeing a friend after work and having dinner for a catch up. Maybe this is one of those days where it’s like, maybe it’s something to work on.