This course has really started moving me in the right direction of being aware and increasing my own consciousness. It’s said that by doing this through the heart, many common problems start to disappear – anxiety, depression, anger, boredom….. Today we are to think about how often we might be consumed by these common problems. Do they stick in cycles? Do you become obsessed over them? Today whilst we are in a state of awareness and mindfulness, notice if you are cycling through these thoughts. Notice when you are engaged and when you are distracted by these common problems.
I want to state that it’s fine to have common problems. Sometimes I get so fully consumed by them that I can’t stop. Like right now for instance, I am suffering through anxiety over work. I am placed in a situation I cannot control and I have actively tried hard to not let it get to me. It is fully getting to me. I get more and more frustrated as others hold my fate in their hands. This has been an ongoing saga for the past 6 months and I have been looking elsewhere for another job, but with limited options and me looking at pay cuts, I just can’t afford to give up this role. When people higher up do sort out the situation, I will have a great opportunity to build a department from bottom up – that’s something I’m looking forward to. I have yet to transition to it though and this is causing me anxiety as I wait.
I can’t seem to disguise this from my mind though. I do meditation, I go for walks to clear my mind, I try to be mindful but it keeps plaguing my mind. The constant frustration and the knowing I’ve got a hold up at work, just doesn’t make me want to go to work, to the point of not being able to get out of bed. That’s shit. I can do all these spiritual techniques, but as soon as my mind has a free moment at work, I think about my shit situation again. I look forward to the times after work as that’s where I really feel great. I’m doing something I enjoy and life is good. Cycle through to the next morning again and I’m like “No, I just don’t want to go to work”.
I try to remain engaged. I really am but I’m at a loss here. The only way out is to find a good paying job equivalent to what I do or keep waiting out. I think the company I work for has really failed it’s staff as this is the same for other team mates. The moments I have full engagement is my witchcraft or card readings, anything away from here.
I think we can be conscious, but also have some limiting factors in our life. I think the benefit for me is that I am aware and if I wasn’t, I would be completely worse off than what I currently am. I think with my continued efforts and seeking professional assistance is going to help me. I would rather not have these shit situations to begin with, and if I had control in this situation, I wouldn’t be hanging around to be miserable. All the advice I can give is keep working at whatever distracts your mind until it finally dissipates. Some people take a few days, whilst others it may take longer. We shouldn’t judge ourselves whilst trying to better our situation. I think the key is to actually try and apply awareness in our lives.
